How slowing down has helped me grow

One of the biggest questions I get as a business owner and a mom of young kids is how I “do it all.” People say, “You must never sleep.” But here’s the thing: I sleep more than eight hours a night even with two kids and a growing business. I have to. Sleep is my lifeblood and always has been.

So, I’ve had to make sure I don’t do it all.

I love how Laura Vanderkam explains in her book "I Know How She Does It" that if we build the lives we want, time saves itself. Instead of trying to save 15 minutes here and 15 minutes there, let’s start by creating the lives we want.

And that means building space for what matters most. Here’s how I do it.

Make a not-to-do list

Prioritizing not only means putting first things first, it also means deciding what needs to come off our ever-growing to-do lists altogether. There’s power in saying no in order to say yes to the big things. There’s power in a not-to-do list.

Get help to live your best life

Lots of the not-to-dos still need to get done, though. And being my most effective self has meant finding experts and professionals who can take those things off my plate (and do it better).

By prioritizing my core competencies, I can identify what makes the most sense to delegate. Remember, if you don’t prioritize your time, someone or something will prioritize it for you.

It’s okay (and necessary!) to get help so you can live your best life.

Living your best life gets tough if you don’t have an encouraging spouse in your corner. In her book “Lean In,” Sheryl Sandburg shares:

"I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is."

I read that and underlined it and thought: “Yes! This!”

I hit the jackpot with my husband, Chris. He’s a great businessman and an amazing human and we’re lucky to be on this ride together. It’s not always perfect, but we try to keep the notion of, “How can #TeamApfelstadt win here?” top of mind when faced with challenges.

Know that time is elastic

Laura Vanderkam illustrates the elasticity of time with the story of one woman who suffered a water heater explosion during the week she kept a time log for "I Know How She Does It."

Laura writes, “Dealing with that problem took seven hours. That is an extra hour a day! I am sure if you had asked her at the start of the week, ‘could you find seven hours to train for a triathlon? Could you find seven hours to mentor seven worthy people?’ she would have said what most of us would have said: 'no.' But when she had to find seven hours, she did. Time is elastic. It will stretch to accommodate what you choose to put in it. So treat your priorities like that exploding water heater. First things first.”

Guard your most precious hours

I viciously protect the 6-8 p.m. timeframe. I very rarely take meetings or phone calls during that stretch; it’s family time. I’ve even had a landline installed so that I can look my kids in the eye instead of having that dreaded glowing rectangle in front of my face.

If I do need to make evening plans, I try to schedule them for 8:30 p.m. This means I still get a couple hours of wine with girlfriends or a dinner meeting for work, but the kiddos are already in bed—and already loved on—and I’m not missing that important time.

Lean on that amazing team at work

I've learned that when I simply articulate what the business needs more of, or which projects need to be started that haven't been yet, 25 eager hands rise up, ready to jump in (and they’ll probably do it better than I could and think about it with a fresh and different perspective). I bet your team is just waiting to take the reins in similar situations, and they’ll be so excited to help if you just tell them where the opportunities are.

Take back control of your health

During my solo vacation to Lake Austin, my health—and how it has suffered—came into full focus. Now that I’m home, I’ve started tracking my time to be more mindful of how I’m spending out of office hours, even the weekends.

I track meditations, displays of gratitude, workouts, and dates with my husband with a little color-coded sticker dot system in my planner. If things start to feel out of whack, I can look at my notebook and see clearly why: maybe we haven’t gone on a date in three weeks or maybe I’ve only worked out once.

Right next to the to-dos, I also keep a weekly list of “more.” This running list tracks what I want to make more time for. Sometimes that’s time with girlfriends or yoga or special dates with one of my kids.

We all need to fill our cup with what matters most, and tracking ensures that happens.

Give back even when you’re “too busy”

I like to live by the rule of thumb that if I can help someone in fewer than five minutes, I do it. Always. Maybe I can’t be a board member or a co-chair, but if I do have five minutes to share advice, create opportunities or make a connection, I know it’ll be rewarding every time.

What do you need to say no to this week so you can say yes to what matters? What part of your week do you need to reclaim?